Old New York headshot. Black and white, natch.

Had interesting morning. I am going for a pre-read, which is basically an audition for an audition. It's what happens when you don't have a lot of theatrical credits but you have enough going on and solid enough representation for a casting director to spend some time with you. This is pre-read is for a series regular role on a fairly high profile (in LA, at least) pilot that has a few notable names and the part is one of those parts that an actor like me is well suited for. Not huge, but fun, and, if done consistently well, the kind that you can (slowly) build a career with. I am sure there are lots of people going for it, but again, it's about commitment and hope, not about expectations and anyway, I'm not writing about the part, I'm writing about the coach that I saw this morning.

I have been having a good time and keeping my chops up with my weekly acting class, which has been terrifically effective in getting me to relax and get out of the way so I can do the actual work. It has provided me with a vast array of experiences so I when I get to certain kinds of auditions and meetings, I won't be all nervous and freaky. It's a great tool for a working actor, and, as such, is inherently different than the more "classical" acting classes, where character and motivations and intentions and actions are discussed, analyzed and sculpted, all from the actor's own experience and history. The coach I had early this morning (before work!) was very much the kind of teacher that I was used to seeing long ago, before I came to New York, so I admit, it was really an adjustment. I was even at times finding myself resistant to some of the questions we were going over, like when trying to figure out what I wanted from this line or what my action was going to be for that line. But I had done it before, right? This was my entire acting experience for years before I came to LA, so I found myself settling and really working on the various beats.

It was really exhilarating. Acting is trippy because you are asked to feel and say things in ways that are so specific that you do these mental and emotional backflips trying to incorporate the intentions. I know, this sounds all touchy feely, but, that's exactly it, right? Touching parts of your experience, feeling what's going on, and then letting that work inhabit the moment you are portraying. It was hard, to the point there would be times when I would get a little direction, and my brain would just go into overdrive while I stared into space. It's like my Mac when the fans start coming on. It doesn't move, but it gets really hot and then the fans come on, whiirrrrrr, and you know something is happening.

The end result of my session is an audition that will be much more interesting to watch, much more grounded in life, and should add an angle, a series of colors, to someone that could be just regarded as "strange co-worker of main character." It was intense, but it felt so damn good to work in this way again. I had forgotten about how analyzing a script really is like being an emotional conductor, trying to bring all these elements into harmony, to make sure they build, peak, and fade just at the right time to make the scene really hum.

We'll see how it goes. What's good is that I am ready for this audition in a way that goes beyond technique, beyond comfort, beyond commodity. Now I just have to trust the training and let all this just come to focus this evening for my audience of one.

Tags: acting

I have been thinking a lo about TIME these days, which perhaps is no surprise. Time passes and that's that. It's just been going very, very quickly, as I am sure you are noticing. I remarked to Zak this morning that I feel like I overslept in 2008 and I am about 15-20 minutes late for everything.

As I was falling asleep I was kind of thinking about acting and well, you know, how I fit in with the rest of the community here in LA. There's this young actor on a show that Whit really likes that has a role that's a real career starter. He's pretty good, he's good looking, and he's intelligent (he used to be an accountant, quit to be a model and actor, and now he's got a great series regular role on a primetime show)--and he's 26. I'll be honest--I'm not 26. I don't even want to be 26, but you know, you hear about how LA is obsessed with youth, blah blah blah--and I guess that's true, the extremes are certainly out there with all the plastic surgery and that kind of thing. But it's also just a place where young people gravitate towards, not unlike San Francisco and New York. You just kind of notice it a bit sometimes. I auditioned for a role to be a co-host of a Tech show where I was supposed to be a tech expert who knows how to help businesses with their technical infrastructure, who reads Wired magazine, who knows tech culture and what's happening in the tech world. I was basically auditioning to be me, right? The audition, which was just an interview with legitimately technical questions (what kind of freeware security software is out there? what kind of backup infrastructure should small businesses think about? what kinds of machines would you recommend?) went great--this is my life--but I also knew that they were looking for someone in their late 20s. And I told them that I was not in my late 20s and also told them that they didn't want someone in their late 20s, that they wouldn't know as much as I do. And it's true! I defy the vast majority of actors in LA to setup an office in afternoon. But if I don't get the role, I bet I know why...!

Of course, of course, in many ways, age is an illusion. Charisma, energy and optimism can really shift people's perceptions. But every once in awhile, you think about it, at least in this profession. The flipside, of course, is that as you get older, you tend to reflect on your choices and your history and wonder, "was this right?" It's useless, of course--but those thoughts can sneak into your head as your brain settles into sleep. I thought about it last night, how I have definitely been at the party and showed up at the right time, but I feel sometimes like I was in one room having a great time talking to people, then hearing uproarious laughter in the room next door. Once I finally made it into that room, the joke was over and though the people were still there, things had moved on. But still, the party's great, right? Life is good.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the difference between "hope" and "expectation". I was actuall talking with my mom last night about this and we basically discussed how expectation, as a rule, is an illusion, a situation or reality that basically can never come true as one imagines. Take the typical New Year's Eve dilemma--oftentimes, people will have expectations of the crazy party they finally decided on, or whatever plan they made, and most of the time, it will go differently (better or worse) and the expectation will probably not be fulfilled. However, hope is far more general and a lot more open-ended. You can hope you have a good time, but you are not expecting a good time, and the stakes become lower, more manageable. My mom suggested that expectations, being so much more personally specific, are driven by the ego, which makes a lot of sense. We also discussed this in acting class, where Brian remarked how he thought it was crazy for actors to come into LA expecting to have a career just open up to them with in a year or two, that things would just work out and all would be great. You can hope things work out, but you certainly need to be patient, certainly need to relax with the expectations so your hope can be maintained. I also think that it's been really interesting how Obama has been using the concept of hope to rally his supporters--it's easier for groups of people to agree on hope than expectations.

Ah, Friday morning thinking.

I have some cool things happening this weekend, but I am going to keep it a secret. Believe me, if it all works out, it's gonna be very, very cool and actually a nice checkmark in my little "to do in my life" book. Should have something to tell you in a few weeks.


What else? Oh, I am reading Pictures at a Revolution by Mark Harris. It's awesome.

Oh, and my uncle Toby just came out with a new book. He's been getting a lot of press on this. Let's see...the book is called Our Story Begins: New and Selected Stories. The press has been incredible. Check out this interview on KQED's Forum and this article from the LA Times Book Review. It's always amazing, really, to reflect on just how amazing a writer he is. It's really been amazing to watch his career and talent and legacy, really, grow as time has gone by. Very inspiring and proof, real proof, that if you just stick to it, you can do what you want.

Okay! two posts at once. I've got a lot of write today so I will end this here. Have a great weekend...

Tags: life, acting, people

a really stunning piece of graffitti art on LaBrea. I took this while at a stoplight.
What really pisses me off is someone actually tagged it! Weak.


here's the other part of it

well.. I have started this entry about 10 times, and I might as well give it another go.

The real crazy thing about the past two weeks is that I have literally gone nonstop during the weekday. I get in, there's a tornado, and then I leave. I mean, sure, that's I guess how some people work, but one would think that the end of the year would be a bit more of a slower time, when you can chill a bit, but it certainly has not been the case this year. And when I get home, the last thing I want to do is sit in front of a computer, which means I slack on all the personal stuff I want to do, including Christmas shopping, writing in this journal, and editing Whit's band's videos. I am adding a page to the site today with four of the videos from Whit's work party, where their band, The RTG's performed nine songs. Whit did an amazing job, I gotta say. You can find the videos in the RTG's page, above.

Just when I was feeling a bit down, things start turning up. Last week I was invited to read two scripts, which was totally cool. I did two table reads for two very different scripts (one was a kind of family comedy, the other an action comedy), both very good; really fun characters, great pacing...both would make really entertaining movies. I was invited to read a lead character both times and I am pleased to report that the feedback was really good, which was tremendously encouraging. Hmm, perhaps that's not the right word, "encouraging"...gratifying, perhaps? That's better, honestly, because the goal is to really fill out the reading as best as you can emotionally so the writer can get some glimpses of how it might sound during filming, how some of the characters might look during certain moments how the flow would actually...flow. I really tried to read as best as I could, which was made difficult for the first script since I did not have enough time to read through it first and mark it up.

What's good about this is that you are being given the opportunity to add to the initial definition of the story, of the character. The writers can now go back to the script and use what we did as a baseline, which will help them make the appropriate changes. It's kind of a cool responsibility, because up until the readings, the writers have heard the characters in their heads, or just read a few scenes with the other writers to get the kinks out. Both writers brought in some really great actors, really driven actors who all were taking it very seriously and obviously trying to bring as much to the reading as possible. It was very cool and it was quite a cool way to close out the year, to be part of this collaboration. Reminded me of some very good times in New York, and I am stoked I have some folks around who want me to participate in this kind of thing.

Work has been crazy, as usual. We released a product and I have been getting really great responses from people who have actually used the software, but for every one positive piece of feedback, I get 5 intensely negative, fanatically nasty rants about why the software sucks...from people who have never actually even seen the software. I try not to take it personally, but I honestly wish some of the more passionate users out there would give the stuff a chance so they can see that I'm not some dumbass who is making lame crap, but someone who actually cares very deeply about this stuff and whose crew has made something very good, relevant, and effective. Whatever. I deal with this stuff enough in my "other" life, so I will just drop it, but I am looking forward to seeing how the reviews go. It's weird; for better or for worse, this new product is pretty much my fault. I was the one who pushed for a total redesign and for the addition of a completely new additional feature. We could have easily just updated it to work with the new operating system but I felt it was really important to make a full on change, to really draw a line and say "the old stuff is the old stuff, this is the future". We'll see, we'll see. I never expected the work to be so personal but I guess that's good.

On the acting front, all of a sudden, I am busy as ever. Two auditions yesterday; 1 callback (from yesterday), 2 auditions and a voiceover audition today, one audition tomorrow. Uh, what? I haven't gone out more than once a week in 2 weeks! It's great, but really unexpected and kind of crazy making with the week I am having. But we were able to schedule everything all out, so it's fine. My agents are really amazing, it's just crazy how hard they work for me.

I have more entries but I really have to sleep. I just apologize for being so late on this. I wish I just had more time. Perhaps I can write a bit more during the holidays. I have been taking notes on my phone when journal entries come to mind--I've got some good ones--so hopefully the week off will encourage me to invest a bit more time into this. I have been really bad about using the camera (except for the videos I took of the RTG's) but maybe I will bring it up to the city. I dunno. We'll see.

Regardless, hope all is well.

Hollywoodland in the early 1920s

Tags: general, tech, acting, auditions

San Francisco from Sophia's living room

Wow, what a week. Had a fantastic time in San Francisco during the Thanksgiving, and got back just in time to see Starting Out in the Evening, our friend Andrew's latest film. It's getting incredibly good reviews, and I was stoked to be able to see it on the always-important opening weekend...here's to hoping it gets some legs and opens in other cities. There has been a lot of attention given to Frank Langhella's performance, and I have to say, it really is a fantastically great performance--one of those kinds of roles that can only be fully expressed in film, really. He's so subtle and so...quiet (but focused, and alive in a way I think only those in their twilight (as the character feels himself to be) can be)...you need to see that kind of role done in a dark room, in a movie theater--it's just such a delicate thing. It wouldn't work onstage--you can never be that close--and on TV, well, you would have to see it in a dark room and not be distracted. No matter--it was a triumph, and the calls for an Oscar nomination are not unwarranted. I am so proud of Andrew, I can't tell you. He has been working toward this kind of success for a very long time and, honestly, it inspires me to continue to find ways to enjoy this often (I admit) frustrating pursuit. If you get a chance, check it out.

(click on the poster to see the trailer)

So, I was paging through a magazine today and, as is often the case this time of year, this magazine was telling us who the best entertainers of the year are, who the break out stars are, which of the big names are still relevant, that kind of thing. And, like, okay--look, this is not an ego thing--but really, this profession...it's just so damn random, and articles like this just make it look so easy. I mean, sure, the odds get better the longer you stay focused (for most of us, we hope) but, let's see, I went to class last night, and throughout the night, I saw some very, very good actors do some very, very good work. It's like this in every class. I would say that there are several--more than several--people in my class right now who are just as "entertaining" as any of the people in these magazines, and the other students? They are well on their way. Not to take away anything from the success of my fellow actors, it's just the pedestal that they get put on, well, it must be intimidating for them a bit but it just seems so...I dunno. I mean, next year it will be the same thing, right?

I had written a bunch of stuff but I just deleted it because it was just ridiculous. I was basically just frustrated, which tends to happen this time of year. Forgive how this might sound, but when I look at this stuff, I get frustrated because I know I can do it. I know others who can do it. It's not a competition, I know this...it's not even anything, but I mean, if I were an accountant (nothing wrong with accountants), it's not like I would be surrounded by magazines and shows and "news" telling me how there are so many other accountants that are doing so well, that are pushing accounting to the next level, that are living the accountant life that can see so tantalizing, with all the many exciting accounting gigs they are able to part in. I guess with acting it's just a lot more obvious when you find you are not where you want to be professionally.

No matter. It is working itself out. Every time I watch Chuck I send a message to my manager telling him that I am feeling a tad depressed and he always tells me to not think about it and to enjoy my day and everything that I am doing. Which is good advice, but when I see a show that I just want to be on and contribute to, it's nervewracking.

(I am very much enjoying the iTunes release of Daft Punk's Alive 2007, by the way. While it's not totally surprising since I have the recording of the Coachella set and I was at the actual show, it's still superbly dope.)

On the work side, we shipped three products this week, which is very cool. Most of my team is taking a bit of time off, I am just catching up on some loose ends and looking forward to solid yoga class tonight, then dinner with Allison, who is in town for a conference, and then the weekend.

Tags: travel, general, acting, starting out in the evening, daft punk

The picture above is kind of a joke, I am friends with a few members of the production team on this spot that I shot yesterday and I walked to my trailer door to see "Mr. Romo" taped on it. I laughed out loud, I think many an actor has thought about that transition--when do you go from "Mike" to "Mr. Romo"? Box office pull, no doubt.

Good news! I filmed another commercial yesterday--though I should mention that I am basically a featured extra for a skin care commercial that will not be aired in the US or Canada, but if I can get a clip, I will make sure to post it. For the second time in a row, I worked with a "big super star actor"---the person I worked with yesterday is an international super star, been around for many years, and it was really a pleasure to get a chance to meet someone like that, and it was fun just to work, even for a really short time, with a true professional. As with any professional in any kind of job, you just end up learning a tremendous about just by being in the same room with someone like that. Totally relaxed in between takes, then absolutely, incredibly focused during. He (he's a he) also made a point of introducing himself right away and basically put everyone at ease. I feel silly that I am not saying the name, but I gotta wait till the spot comes out, so I will just shut up about it.

Nick, Drue and I just got back from seeing Beowulf in 3-d IMAX, which is apparently the way to see the movie...it's funny to try and compare it to the last movie I saw, No Country for Old Men. It kind of shows you just how different movies are becoming, in a way. Country is jaw dropping amazing because of the direction, editing and, most of all (I would argue), the acting. Beowulf is amazing because there's all this crap flying around and it looks like it's gonna hit you right in the $%(*%@ face, dude! It was cool, but my eyes are killing me. It was well edited and had some sequences that could only happen in a truly virtual world (when the camera can go anywhere you like, there's a certain flexibility). The 3D effect was quite good, I mean, it's the best 3D you are going to find in existence, methinks, and there were a few shots where it really was gorgeously effective---sprawling landscapes and wide, expansive establishing shots were much more interested and engaging than the sword point right at you or the blood dropping down at you (though that stuff worked, too). It was more than just the longest cut-scene in history, it was a well-done fable (if way too violent for the kids, which was refreshing, in a way). What was trippy is that there were several very long takes on the character's faces and the audience endowed these pixels with human emotion, giving them life, even though it wasn't real at all. The experience was there, but it was like listening to music ripped from a CD at a low bitrate (I know, it's nerdy but it's relevant in many ways)--you can hear it, you can hear all the elements, there's just not enough behind the elements. The cynical part of me wants me to ask whether modern audiences even care, really, just as long as they get "most" of it, the feeling...but I don't honestly think that anyone would really accept, fully, that a virtual "actor" is going to deliver the same kind of experience a "real" actor would provide. (The fact that I can even write this sentence shows, once again, that we are living in the future.)

Beowulf is worth seeing (in 3D, in IMAX), if only to see what the studios are trying to do bring people into the theatres. Is this "the future"? Nah. It's neat, and it works for some movies (the stereotypical "Hollywood" movies, I guess) but these kinds of stories are the minority. Still, these stories sell more than others. Witness Transformers, featuring, again, non human characters moving the story along.

20 years ago, we had Roger Rabbit doing this with drawings. What will the technology-straining "movies" of 2027?

It's amazing, really, and I will admit I hate being just a witness to all of this. I want to be part of these changes, I want to make sure these changes are good.

One of things that I kept thinking about during Beowulf was how I really need to get out of my element, like, seriously out of my element. I've had this very cushy existence and I would love to get out of here for awhile and find some way to test myself, my physical and mental strength. Funny that one would have to "research" a way to live in a more challenging way. I have to use a computer to figure out how to live a more simple yet more engaging life? And I come to thinking about this after watching a movie told entirely by computer created actors in a computer generated world dealing with computer generated crises?

Tags: acting

my dad's cool 1967 MGB GT

Busy weekend. The talk at Santa Clara University went really well; Leanne and I had a great time meeting other SCU theatre/dance/tech grads and the whole affair went pretty well. I realize now that one of the tricks of teaching must be that tension between wanting to get all the information you want to share out all at once because of the time, but that not being possible due to time and the general flow of the conversations that take place. We had a really solid panel made up of actors, dancers, technicians and financial types, which was great, but I could see it being a little overwhelming. All of seven of us were pretty happy to talk about pretty much anything, but, you know, it's not like the audience knows exactly what questions to even ask. I can remember that one of the last things I would have wanted to do on a free Friday (and gorgeous) afternoon was spend my time listening to a bunch of old people tell me how what I need to do to survive in this crazy life. That being said, I would have gone anyway, of course..

It was really interesting to see how the general make up of the department had changed. There are apparently something like 54 female majors and 15 male majors, which is a real challenging situation for casting, especially given that there are approximately 20% fewer roles for women actors. Trip away. What was really interesting, however, is just how smart the students were. I mean, they were really thinking hard about what a life in entertainment would actually mean financially, and there were a surprising amount of students who asked about the technical and administrative positions, which offer a more stable and consistent income. I did what I could to offer substantial tips and suggestions, and tried to tell as many stories that illustrated the various aspects of working in LA and New York as I could. I had a lot more to talk about (I barely touched on headshots and reels and managers and agents, etc) but maybe I can go up and have a more actor-focused discussion in the spring. Regardless, I am trimming my notes to make a little handbook for the actors that might be of some use.

My brother Patrick is a junior at SCU so he watched the seminar, and it was fun to have him there. SInce I last saw him he's cut his hair and grown another 4 inches and his summer job building an environmentally friendly house (to be show in DC) has made him very lean and apparently quite strong. Crazy! The theater staff were very happy to corner him and suggest the he audition for a show in the spring and to attend an acting for non majors class...very cool, I hope his schedule permits it.

The rest of the weekend was spend with the folks (saw a fantastic production of Sweeney Todd at ACT) and hanging out with Paul and Al. San Francisco was doing its best Spain impersonation, and I must admit as I sipped coffee and beer at the "Rev" down their block, I did fantasize about living there again. Someday. The Blue Angels were in town as well, which was loud and fun. I wasn't able to see James and the rest of the Isotope crew; I will have to plan something with them next month...

I think my ACL is all screwed up, which is really annoying. It was fine in my workout, but I took a yoga class last night and, oddly enough, plow pose tweaked it--like, my one foot could touch the floor, but my left one could not. Weak weak weak. I have had pretty good luck with injuries but I jammed it last week during spinning and I thought I had taken enough time off...oh well. The real bummer is that this is the last week that we're gonna be at our current building---the gym is literally downstairs. Nick and I are pretty freaked as far as figuring out a new workout schedule...friends will remember that I was not always in the best of shape and I admit, I am nervous about the new situation.

Today I actually have a gig--I am doing ADR for the Comcast spot, re-recording new dialogue for the spot that was airing earlier this year. Should be fun; I've auditioned for an ADR job in the past, but I have never done one "for real". Huh. Suddenly a little nervous. Gotta use it!

Tags: acting, fitness

It's been a bit of time since I have updated this and I apologize for the delay. As usual, the delay is a mix of a lot going on and most of what was going on not all that interesting. There have been a few bewildering "almost-got" callbacks and auditions, which I hate writing about, so I will resist, but every so often...grr.

It's one of those weeks where I'm just tired. It's quite possible that I have Whit's cold, which was mostly more "tired" than "sick and ____". No matter.

Last night, I went to my first big time musical in quite a long while. We saw Wicked last night at the Pantages and it was pretty terrific, all in all. As a show, it was a pretty typical modern musical, with several different song types with nice, if not necessarily spectacular, dancing. The story was great, really clever and I can see why the show is such a big hit. The leads had played (and in one case, originated) the roles on Broadway and in the tour versions, so there was an easy strength to their performances. Eden Espinosa, in particular, had an incredible vocal presence and brought the house down three or four times. The other lead, Megan Hilty, had excellent comic chops and her voice was so fluid and effortless that it was easy to forget she was actually singing and not lip syncing, if that makes any sense at all.

It has been awhile, I admit sadly, since I have seen a "big" show. Sure, I have seen a few plays here and there (including a terrific all male Shakespeare presentation of Twelfth Night from the Old Globe at UCLA), but for some reason, I have not forced myself to get into any of the shows playing at The Geffen or the other major Los Angeles theaters. There are several reasons for this that I will delve into below, but I guess what I am really writing about is this series of edgy realizations regarding my relationship with acting on stage (made edgier by the fact that my last show, a mildly chaotic Lear with a traveling group in New York, was not one of my better performances).

First off, I prefer and relish the opportunity to perform in front of a live audience. That's my baseline talent--live performance. Everything I do comes from that enjoyment, whether it's doing a speech for a wedding, presenting ideas in a work meeting or just talking with friends at a party. Once a week in acting class I get to perform in front of a small audience, so I do have an outlet, but obviously it's different than being in a "real" play. If I love it so much, if I am supposedly designed for this kind of thing, one might ask, why don't I go out on more auditions? Well, as I have discussed many times before, I am unable or reluctant to spend the amount of time it takes to rehearse day in and day out for 8-12 performances stretched out over a month or so, especially if I am not getting paid for the work. So, that means I have to audition for stuff that's more professional, which means I have to have my days free for rehearsal. Which means I can't have a normal full time job, which means I could not support myself, really. Oh, I am sure I could find some paid tours that would help with expenses, but then I would be away from LA, making it harder to get opportunities in film and television, which would make it easier to make acting my full time job, complete with time off, during which I could be rehearsing plays during the day.

A lot of chickens and lot of eggs. The key, for me, is to make a living acting in film and TV so I can audition for stage work when I have time off. That's my mantra, it's what I tell everyone my strategy is. But that strategy seems very...far away when sitting in an audience watching people my age and younger doing it, right in front of me, having a great old time. Which is fine, that life...that life is particularly focused and exclusive to other experiences. When you are doing a show of that scale, a Broadway show, it is your life, your days are designed in such a way that you are at peak energy from 8-11pm. You never see anyone. You are never around. You live for the show. I've done that, not at that scale, but I have dealt with that time commitment before, and it was great, but I missed a lot. And while that's fine for awhile, eventually it just stops making sense or became unsustainable.

Lots of excuses, okay. One makes one's choices and moves forward, and I don't regret the moves I have made for my career at all, but watching that cast last night engage the audience got me to reflecting a lot on what I enjoy about this whole effort. The other day I bumped into a friend who was at the LiveEarth concert in London. He said my PSA for LiveEarth played a few times in the stadium, indeed, it played several times in all the stadiums and venues where LiveEarth happened. In London alone, there were something like 53,000 people at the show. So, even in half of the people were paying attention and got a chuckle out of that PSA, that's 25,000 people entertained--wham! More people in 22 seconds than I have been able to entertain in my shows so far. My goal, it would seem, to entertain as many people as I can, would seem to be active and healthy and working. But I wasn't there, you know? My work was, one of the 22 second takes that I did in Pacific Palisades a few months ago, that was there and succeeded in what it was supposed to do, but I wasn't there, and I think that that distinction was really driven home last night, that I enjoy actively entertaining people and being able to feel it happening. Which, what does that say about me? That I like the attention? No, that's not it, that really isn't it -- I have written before how one of my fondest acting memories was when I was doing a summer stock theater in Pullman, Washington, and just be able to leave and be anonymous after the show was over, knowing that I had helped make an entertaining evening for the people who came to the show. It's not about me, it's about sharing that moment with the audience, that's what I love.

Which is not possible, most of the time, when working in film and television! Oh, the irony! That the only way to make a living acting would seem to remove the primary element of enjoyment I getout of it! It's kind of like the roses that are bred with no thorns--they have no scent.

Of course, it's not all that dire. I love working with a director and I loved hearing the crew's laughter after a scene is done. I love that, it's totally gratifying and it's the essence of what I am talking about, but it's not the same. But it will have to do for the time being.

So, I left Wicked with a mixed sense of inspiration and frustration, mildly queasy as I wondered quietly to myself about the validity of where I was in my career and how things were going. They are going more slowly than I like to admit, but they are moving forward and I am confident, I mean, I know that this is how I am gonna get things done. I've not done any of this the "typical" way, so I don't expect things to happen in a typical time line. The past week has been tough--I left two auditions thinking that I had nailed the part, that I was going to definitely not only get called back but actually book the part and I didn't even get called back! Humbling, to be sure....nothing is certain, that, and the passage of time, those are the only consistencies in this life.

Tomorrow I drive to San Francisco to spend time with Oliver and other friends and family before he goes off to China. It should be a good, head-clearing visit. I'll take pics and write.

Tags: acting, stage

Tags: iphone, acting, tech

Zak and I playing records a while ago, probably 1999 or something.
I wasn't working out back then, I guess.

A varied and harried day today. Work is stacking up and it's all manageable, there are just a lot of things happening and it's tempting to just sit back and let other people drive some of these efforts, but I am not that tempted and, anyway, I have an opinion about it and I want to get in the mix. It's good to be busy, but just once, it would be nice to be busy building a set or painting a very large painting or building a house or something more physical. My eyes are red not because of allergies or anything fun, I am just staring at screens really intensely right now. Stupid.

I got gently freaked out when I read that basically when you turn 30, it's half time, life is basically half over. At 30, your major organs start to decline, etc--it's all here. And, like, okay, I know--what's the point of worrying about growing older? Time, remember, is the absolute variable, uncontrollable and persistent, literally nothing one can do about it. We can improve the moment, sure, but we can't slow the sucker down. Now, I am not really freaking out, but I do admit, I really dislike the idea of growing older and pretty much have been that way all my life. I want to say it's related to not wanting to miss out on things, but...it's more about making sure I do what I want to do, to get what I want out of life. It does remind me of what Ravi said about life being a bottomless pit, where you keep adding experience after experience but are never satisfied, and kind of like what Steph was mentioning, how there is never a plateau in life, where you get to a certain place and it's all clear and easy from that point on. So life is an uphill battle as you slowly slide downhill.

Now, I do feel an artificial stress about this because of the acting career, I will readily admit. I am constantly reminded, several times a day, of someone younger getting some movie or booking some role, etc. Yesterday while I was waiting around for a callback, I listened to the other guys, all clearly older than me (3-5 years), discussing the parts they didn't get, the house they couldn't afford, the short films they were working on, etc, etc, and I gotta admit, it's distressing, you know? This one guy was talking about how it was getting so slow that he was looking for a regular job, that kind of thing. I mean, I have a regular job that I actually like, and I am always talking about how grateful I am to have a life like this, but it really did drive it home. Acting is not a good fit for people who have to responsible to other people. So rough. And it's 10 times harder for women, absolutely, so it's selfish of me to even worry about it, to be honest. My thoughts return to my upcoming visit to Santa Clara, where I have to talk to the students about the business of acting. I mean, I remember when older folks would warn me about how hard it was, how impossible it was to make a living, etc, and thinking, "Yeah, maybe it's hard for you, but [for some reason] I'll do okay." Well, you know what? I am doing okay--it's just been a very different path to this "okay" than I imagined.

Such is life, right? You have expectations of the future, expectations that are not based on any kind of real fact or experience, and then you get let down when things don't go according to this made up plan? You gotta let it go..Stumbling Upon Happiness talks about this in detail, actually, I need to finish it.

The one thing I know I will talk while I am there is the importance of actually taking care of your physical person. Not only because of the obvious benefits of a healthier heart and looking fit and healthy and basically better on camera/on stage, but because taking care of yourself is actually something you can control and be proactive about in the acting business. I may not be able to control whether or not I am going to book any of the last three spots I just got called back for, but I sure as hell know I can make spinning tonight so I don't get all chubby and tired looking for future auditions. The illusion of control, I think, is something that artists of all kinds need. Maybe not full control of everything, but something related to their craft. Painters can control their brushes and pencils so their tools will not fail them when inspiration strikes. Writers can control where and when they write. Musicians needs to make sure their instruments are in tune and ready to go. We can control aspects of our lives so that when opportunity strikes, we are ready. For actors and dancers and singers, we rely, heavily on our mind, our breath and our physicality. So, when I look at that picture above, I can at least appreciate the fact that even though I was younger and my internal organs were supposedly more efficient or whatever, I know for a fact that I am in the best physical and mental shape of my life, because I work out 4-5 times and do yoga 3 hours a week. And, happily, I don't do it because I have to, but because I want to--I actually really enjoy it, it makes me happy and fulfills very important aspects of my life...and that's the best way to approach any task, whether it's writing an article, singing a song, sketching a face, or teaching a class.

Speaking of which, it's time to get back to that work.

Tags: acting, life

One of my favorite pictures of Whit from our time in Tokyo

Well, I was having quite the slow week, one of those weeks that are basically forgettable, which is sort of distressing. I mean, live every day like it's your last, right? Well, not when you are living past 40, I guess. On the acting front, I have had a few voiceover auditions, which are great, but I just am especially good at not thinking about them anymore. Do your best and forget about it, Kelly the manager says, which is seemingly the most Zen way to go about this whole process. Do your best and forget. (Insert 2 paragraphs thinking about how weird it is to live through time that you are pretty sure you are going to forget about a month later.)

Well, it's Friday and I was all happy to sleep in a bit and shave and have a nice relaxing day, I'm wearing shorts, I'm in before it gets too hot, and I am pretty much ready to do some work as the rest of the office and Los Angeles gets in their car and vacates the area. Then I get to work and I find that I totally missed a meeting and then I get a call and now I have an audition in North Hollywood in the middle of the day, which is doubly bad news because I am in shorts and now I gotta go home and change and then go to North %$(%*@ Hollywood and do my thing then rush back to work. Plus I just found out I have a meeting about an actual movie role next week with the Weinstein Company. Holy crap! It's just a meeting, no script, so it's all new and I am very excited. I am going to go early to clas--ARGH! no class next week. Dammit. Well, I will figure it out. Exciting, and suddenly the week is a little more memorable.

On the anguished tech nerd side of things, I read this very good article on Blu-Ray/HD-DVD and now I am in a quandary. Long story short, despite some very tempting titles exclusive to HD-DVD, it looks like Blu-Ray is the way to go. Sure, the HD-DVD players are cheaper but there are really only two options--the Microsoft HD-DVD player for the Xbox 360 or the Toshiba boxes. I think, honestly, that the prices are going down because they know the format is going down. So, I am thinking that if I really want to do it (and I am still not even convinced of that), the best way to go is to get the HD-DVD player for my Xbox and just hang out for the Blu-Ray prices to come down. Such a pain. Oh, and I know, everyone's talking about streaming and downloading and all that, but for some reason, I guess I like having a library of books and movies. I like taking a bunch of movies with me on the road.

Looks like I am on my own this weekend; Whit's going to Jackson to hang out with Kristi and her boy Rivers so I am probably gonna go to yoga, get my comics, maybe organize the comics, play records, maybe even go out dancing, go to Gary's bbq, and find a few pools to soak in.

Hope you have a good weekend!

Tags: acting, HD, DVD

a friendly Dalmatian iMac at a friendly cafe in friendly Tokyo

So, Apple introduced three new iMacs today, which actually look pretty good. They are definitely making machines that look more "futuristic" than anyone else; I love the fact that the keyboard has a system power button on its side, that's pretty sweet. It's been years since they last had a power button the keyboard, it's interesting that they brought it back, though for the iMac, it makes sense--it's lame to have to reach all the way around to turn it on.

The new iLife and iWork suites look pretty okay; I will write something up when I have had a chance to use them. I am particularly interested in the DVD authoring stuff (though Steve seemed to imply that burning DVDs was a bit passé, I still like 'em).

I got called back for a web ad for Nissan today. It's a fine a spot, funny, even, but it's just odd that there were 7 people in the room to check out something that is supposed to look like a cheap YouTube video. It's going to by much more--it's got some nice special effects in there--but I don't know. It's going to be the same amount of work (if not more) as a "normal" spot, and from an acting point of view, there is obviously no difference, but the pay--and I don't mean to be bitchy about this, I'm just saying, is all--is just kind of lackluster. I guess this is the whole point of the upcoming negotiations between the various unions and the producers; the advent of the web is far more jarring than anything to do with DVD extras and that kind of thing. Web video is going to be with us forever, the spots lasting longer than TV spots (of course, many TV spots end up on the web anyway) so the whole residual system, everything, will need to be reworked. It's gonna be a nasty fight, I bet, but this is the future and given the amount of web spots I have gone out for over the past few months (several, like 4-5), this venue will only continue to grow.

Anyway, we'll find out if I get it tomorrow (it shoots this week!).

Oh, some podcasts that I am finding pretty funny that you may wanna check out: Totally Rad Show and Geekscape. Both links are set to the video podcasts, but I trust you can figure out how to get the audio only one. You're smart like that.

And now, off to the dentist's.

Tags: imac, acting