quickly, on weddings.
So many different ways to think about weddings:
1 - throw a big party for all your friends, thanking
them for the life they've helped you create,
celebrate that love exists and share it with your
friends and family
2 - do what your parents expect, do it at a church
and somehow link your relationship with some kind of
organized religion for legitimacy and hope or
something
3 - not a big deal, who needs the stress, "we don't
need some piece of paper from the state to validate
our relationship"
There are other ways but I wanna get straight to #1,
which seems to be the general trend of weddings that
we've been attending (and, indeed, thrown). I'm on a
flight returning from Bryan and Anna's wedding in
Minnesota. Anna is Whit's cousin and I was very
interested in seeing another side to Whit's family.
There's this whole MidWest vibe in my life and it's
really different, it's really, really interesting to
be exposed to it. I mean, you know, I come from San
Francisco, I've only lived in New York and
California, and I don't have much exposure to the
MidWest and when I hear about "MidWest values" when
politicians speak I admit it, I roll my eyes and say
something snarky about WalMart and chain restaurants.
Which is totally unfair, I admit! Totally,
ridiculously, idiotic. Now, I will not say I was
"surprised" by how great this wedding was, because,
to be honest, I had no preconceptions whatsoever
(that's another entry, I've kind of stopped doing
that). I did assume it would be fun, I was very
excited to meet Anna and Bryan, because I
was very impressed with their wedding invite
and the overall quality of the communications they
had crafted (no surprise there, given my take on how
to produce a good wedding).
The thing about weddings (and parties and events,
etc) is, not surprisingly, attention to detail and to
the quality of experience, something that Anna and
Bryan really, really delivered. From the program to
the music performances in the wedding, to the venues
and overall tone of the event, it really went without
a hitch. They were able to invite a good balance of
friends and family and even though they had to
contend with throwing an outdoor wedding under grey,
rainy skies, the production never let up, the whole
thing just worked, most likely because people
believed in the couple so much.
Which is, the key, right? If your friend is in a
great relationship that you believe in, everything is
so much easier and better. Yes, that sounds obvious,
but I think that feeling carries through and builds
over time and forces you to either be grateful for
the relationships you have in your life, or to
reconsider what you have and make the appropriate
changes. Life is hard enough on one's own, I think
it's exponentially harder if you persist in a
relationship because it's convenient or just easier
to stay in.
Again, obvious, but hey, this is an called "On
Weddings".
A few points:
- great to meet Anna and Bryan, as I've said. I am
looking forward to seeing what's next for them. It's
nice to meet a couple that just exudes comfort and
trust in each other right off the back. Notable, so I
am noting it.
- I was talking to Whit and figured that the whole
idea about a great relationship with someone
"completing" you is actually not the best sign. In
all of the best relationships I have seen (and like
the one we're in now), it's not about
completion, it's about extension,
meaning, being with so-and-so extends your life's
experience in unique and fulfilling way. You
experience more out of life by sharing it with this
person. There's more to write on this but I'll have
to deal with that later.
- Great to meet Whit's cousin (and Anna's older
brother) Josh and his wife Holly and their kids. Josh
works in Portland and deals with mass transit. Like,
he figures out how to make mass transit systems work.
How cool is that? I mean, really, when I realized
that that was his work, I resisted the urge to
basically interview him for two hours. Can a society
go from mass transit to individual transit systems
then BACK to mass transit? Is there an example of
this? This is truly a question specific to our time
and it's just need to talk to someone who is involved
with that discussion. Mass transit, believe it or
not, is a huge topic in Los Angeles, and it's
something I struggle with a lot. See, it's one thing
to set up mass transit for commuters, who have,
basically, a consistent schedule that can be
addressed. People to go the same places twice a day.
But for actors and so many other independent
contractors in Los Angeles, we have to be able to
leave wherever we are at a moment's notice and go
somewhere completely different, quickly. So, unless
you are in New York or Chicago (and, perhaps, Boston
and even San Francisco), where the relevant geography
has clear and consistent limits and the mass transit
is regular enough that you can rely on it to get you
to your destination, you are screwed. You have to
have a car. The infrastructure of LA is
designed for cars, so all the snide comments
about people being addicted to cars and all that is,
for the most part, unfair. There is no
choice for many people.
Anyway, it was fun to talk to Josh about that stuff.
post time!