red eyes
Zak and I playing
records a while ago, probably 1999 or something.
I wasn't working out back then, I guess.
A varied and harried day
today. Work is stacking up and it's all manageable,
there are just a lot of things happening and it's
tempting to just sit back and let other people drive
some of these efforts, but I am not that tempted and,
anyway, I have an opinion about it and I want to get
in the mix. It's good to be busy, but just once, it
would be nice to be busy building a set or painting a
very large painting or building a house or something
more physical. My eyes are red not because of
allergies or anything fun, I am just staring at
screens really intensely right now. Stupid.
I got gently freaked out when I read that basically
when you turn 30, it's half time, life is basically
half over. At 30, your major organs start to decline,
etc--it's all here. And, like, okay, I
know--what's the point of worrying about growing
older? Time, remember, is the absolute variable,
uncontrollable and persistent, literally nothing
one can do about it. We can improve the moment,
sure, but we can't slow the sucker down. Now, I am
not really freaking out, but I do admit,
I really dislike the idea of growing older and
pretty much have been that way all my life. I want
to say it's related to not wanting to miss out on
things, but...it's more about making sure I do
what I want to do, to get what I want out of life.
It does remind me of what Ravi said about life
being a bottomless pit, where you keep adding
experience after experience but are never
satisfied, and kind of like what Steph was
mentioning, how there is never a plateau in life,
where you get to a certain place and it's all
clear and easy from that point on. So life is an
uphill battle as you slowly slide downhill.
Now, I do feel an artificial stress about this
because of the acting career, I will readily admit. I
am constantly reminded, several times a day, of
someone younger getting some movie or booking some
role, etc. Yesterday while I was waiting around for a
callback, I listened to the other guys, all clearly
older than me (3-5 years), discussing the parts they
didn't get, the house they couldn't afford, the short
films they were working on, etc, etc, and I gotta
admit, it's distressing, you know? This one guy was
talking about how it was getting so slow that he was
looking for a regular job, that kind of thing. I
mean, I have a regular job that I actually
like, and I am always talking about how grateful I am
to have a life like this, but it really did drive it
home. Acting is not a good fit for people who have to
responsible to other people. So rough. And it's 10
times harder for women, absolutely, so it's selfish
of me to even worry about it, to be honest. My
thoughts return to my upcoming visit to Santa Clara,
where I have to talk to the students about the
business of acting. I mean, I remember when older
folks would warn me about how hard it was, how
impossible it was to make a living, etc, and
thinking, "Yeah, maybe it's hard for you, but [for
some reason] I'll do okay." Well, you know what? I
am doing okay--it's just been a very
different path to this "okay" than I imagined.
Such is life, right? You have expectations of the
future, expectations that are not based on any kind
of real fact or experience, and then you get let down
when things don't go according to this made up plan?
You gotta let it go..Stumbling Upon Happiness
talks about this in detail, actually, I need to
finish it.
The one thing I know I will talk while I am there is
the importance of actually taking care of your
physical person. Not only because of the obvious
benefits of a healthier heart and looking fit and
healthy and basically better on camera/on stage, but
because taking care of yourself is actually something
you can control and be proactive about in the acting
business. I may not be able to control whether or not
I am going to book any of the last three spots I just
got called back for, but I sure as hell know I can
make spinning tonight so I don't get all chubby and
tired looking for future auditions. The illusion of
control, I think, is something that artists of all
kinds need. Maybe not full control of everything, but
something related to their craft. Painters
can control their brushes and pencils so their tools
will not fail them when inspiration strikes. Writers
can control where and when they write. Musicians
needs to make sure their instruments are in tune and
ready to go. We can control aspects of our lives so
that when opportunity strikes, we are ready. For
actors and dancers and singers, we rely, heavily on
our mind, our breath and our physicality. So, when I
look at that picture above, I can at least appreciate
the fact that even though I was younger and my
internal organs were supposedly more efficient or
whatever, I know for a fact that I am in the best
physical and mental shape of my life, because I work
out 4-5 times and do yoga 3 hours a week. And,
happily, I don't do it because I have to,
but because I want to--I actually really enjoy it, it
makes me happy and fulfills very important aspects of
my life...and that's the best way to approach any
task, whether it's writing an article, singing a
song, sketching a face, or teaching a class.
Speaking of which, it's time to get back to that
work.
iLemming...(that's me)
I had a whole entry about
the new iPods, but then a bunch of stuff started
happening, including the revelation that the 4GB
iPhones were being discontinued and going for $299 while they still
were in stock, which kind of changed everything,
as the screenshot above shows. Yes, after fighting
the good fight, I capitulated and got an iPhone.
You've probably already read all the good stuff
and bad stuff about the device, so I am not going
to go into it too much right here, but suffice to
say, I have used it much more for web browsing,
emailing and messaging than I have actually using
it as a phone! The mantra seems to be true--this
is more than a phone, it's basically a very nice
mobile communications device.
I have a lot of rationalizations (including that damn
broken screen on my old, lame, slow Cingular 3125
phone) but in the end, it's become not why I ended up
getting the phone, it's about what I can do now that
I have it in my now often less greasy mitts.
Basically, it's really, really nice too have a solid
way of emailing and getting on the web while I am on
the road dealing with auditions. Today, for
instance--I was at another last minute audition and I
had forgotten the address of my last minute call back
(everything has been "same day" for the past week,
which has been really crazy) that was happening an
hour later. So, i was able to email my agent and she
was able to email it to me right back and, if I
needed to, I could then map out the address and get
the directions all on the same screen. That's just
sick, you know? And yes, I know, I could this with my
old phone but, really? I couldn't.
(3 days later)
I have been starting and stopping this all week,
apologies for that. Yes, the iPhone is rad, no, I
don't think that everyone needs one, but I can
basically say that everything you read is basically
true: it's a pretty amazing device, having Internet
access wherever you want is fantastic, having a
pretty solid camera is great, being able to watch
videos, listen to music, show people photos, check
your email, deal with calendars, etc, etc--it all
works great. Whit used it a lot this past weekend and
commented how great the user interface and loved
being able to give me driving directions based on
actual maps. Yes, there are problems that just seem
weird to me:
- how do you add an attachment to an email? There's
gotta be a way, but the only attachment process that
I have seen is the "take a picture, send it" process.
It works, but if you wanna add more than one photo,
etc...I'm lost.
- Apple makes a big deal about having a full featured
mail program but it's odd there are no font options?
Not that you need to italicize everything,
but, I mean, what's with that?
- So, there's really no way to send a single text
messages to multiple people? really?
- How about switching the "from" account when sending
an email? How do you do that?
- The camera desperately needs to have a zoom feature
(or at least a cropping feature available in some
kind of edit mode) and it's really lame it can't take
video (yes, I realize we are talking about a phone,
but honestly, phone stopped being phones awhile ago.
they all have cameras, and so far, all of the camera
phones I have used have had both zoom and video
capabilities). There also needs to be some kind of
white balance or something--these pictures can get
dark when it's not all that dark outside.
Luckily, most of this seems addressable by software
updates...so, let's update and fix this stuff, apple.
But hey, I'm happy. I'm
really enjoying taking pictures throughout the day, I
must admit, like this one I took after going to the
Mexico City restaurant on Sunday. Hmm...Sunday
margarita...
Here's a shot of the lovely Silverlake area in LA; we
were looking at some houses (for fun) and this view
was pretty terrific.
The place was trapped in 1979 (complete with glittery
white ceilings) but the views were nice.
So what else? I had some good auditions last week
(which have resulted in some good callbacks) but no
bites, which bites. I guess there is still
some time for things to happen but whatever;
I actually went in for a pretty funny fast food spot,
but I did not get a chance to do the character I had
originally done because they had this other guy who
was just doing it so deadpan that I am
pretty sure he got the part immediately and they were
just looking for someone else to play opposite him.
I'm okay at deadpan, but, really, I think deadpan
stuff only goes so far, humorwise. I think--no, I
know, that being earnest in an unusual/odd
situation is actually more honestly funny. Anyone can
be weird/unnatrual in a weird/unnatrual situation;
the key is being normal in that situation
and not judging it or commenting on the moment by
doing something artificial. Ah, well...I may not get
cast, but at least I am going down in dreamy
opinionated flames.
Had a really good chat with Ravi about Australia,
meditation and parental motivations/agendas which
warrant their own post, but these ruminations will
have to come later when I am in a more thoughtful
frame of mind. Suffice to say, it was more than
excellent to talk to him and I am looking forward to
more musings later. Right now, I am just trying to
tie up some loose work threads before I bust out of
here for a callback this evening...where,
this time, I am getting called back
because of my earnestness.